Life is always taking such unexpected twists and turns. Its kind of funny to see how many things have changed now from years or even a couple of months ago. Not only do the people in your life change, but your directions change, your perspectives change and you change as an individual. Some of us turn into the people we hate, while the rest of us hate the people we turn into. It’s strange. But it happens. I’ve left behind some people who I thought would be with me for a long time, I mean they still are here, but they don’t mean much to me anymore. Our times have happened and have been some of the best, but they’re over now and its okay to move forward, In fact its better, because trying to hold on to things that are fading can ultimately lead to destruction. Experience, realize and release. I used to always believe that I would never let myself trust anyone, which is still partially true. Partially because I am careful, but I’ve found the ones I can trust. I’ve learned to open up and let myself free. I changed, people change, and life does too. It’s strange, but somehow so true.
Close your eyes for a while
Let the thoughts sink in
Mile after mile
Let the feelings cave in
Analyze the people, the words, the day
The walks and talks; the things that they say
The pictures in your head
Floating from event to event
Staring at them through every angle
Figuring out what everything meant
Why everything happened, what were the intentions
Why are you thinking about things that werent mentioned
They were implied for a reason
Just so you get the message
Just so you get the clue, and just so you learn your lesson
Of what you did wrong, in other words, your mistakes
What people grieve over, call them regrets or bad takes
Why did I do this, why did I say that
Brush all those thoughts under a gray mat
Cus what was gonna happen, no one can change that
No matter how hard you try, you cant rearrange that
The events, forward or rewind, there’s no way to stop it
If its destiny and fate combined, no one can crop it
all the messed up situations, and the dirty piles of shit
You got stuck in when standing up, or even when you had to sit
To take a break, pause, and just take a deep breath
You want to relax but you cant, ‘where is my crystal meth?’
Woah stop, fuck all that, get a reality check mate
Your eyelids heavy, heads pounding, and your a fucking wreck mate
I know its dark out, but goddamn your thoughts are dark too
You’re blaming all of worlds mishaps, problems and wars on you
Give yourself a real break and cut yourself some real slack
Ease you mind, body, brain without the use of real crack
It’s all you can do, life doesn’t stop, it goes on
A letter from life says, hold on tight and come along..
Your presence completes me
Your voice softens my own
When you’re not here I feel so alone
It’s the way you speak to me
How very evident is your love
Like a secure gift sent from above
It’s so clear in the way
You tell me you’re going to stay
A shield from the pits
A trail towards the top
With intentions so pure
You’re so content
That in my worst days
You become my best cure
You see right through me
Right through me you see
You know me inside out
Inside out you know me
Yet you listen to every beat
I wonder, everyday
When will we finally meet?
We all have them at one point or even multiple points in our lives. Trying to figure out who we are and what we’re trying to do. It’s a part of growing up. But one thing I need to say is that having an identity crisis’ due to not fitting in can happen, but is needless.
You shouldn’t need to think about changing yourself to fit in. Nonetheless, changing where you’re trying to fit in, to a place where you don’t even need to try is something more sensible. Every single person on our earth is special in their own way. No person should ever feel the need to change themselves in order to fit in. You should never feel the need to change yourself for the satisfaction of those around you. YOU are YOURSELF for YOU and NOONE else. As insanely cheesy as that sounds, I follow by this line. You are created in a very special way, and that shouldn’t need to change in any point of your life. If someone doesn’t like your interests, hobbies, personality, look, your quirkiness or your jokes, that’s unfortunate for them. But you should not have to do anything about it. Be yourself always. Be what makes you happy. If you are happy, I guarantee that the people around you, that matter, will be happy too.
In my years of high school, I have never felt like I needed to change myself to please others and I am very fortunate to say that. However, I have witnessed peers and ex-friends who have completely changed themselves for the sake of fitting in. I have seen them changing their looks, attitude and overall personality in order to make friends or be a part of a group of friends. I despise seeing people do this to themselves. Pressure and social influence play a major role in all of this. People who are changing like this fail to realize that they are not doing this for themselves but for the people around them. You can never satisfy everyone, and you have to realize that. You should only focus on making yourself as well as the people close to you happy. Don’t fall into this role confusion, trying to change you for others. I promise that someone somewhere would be very happy to become friends with the original you, for exactly who you are.
Okay first of all, I am so happy first semester is done with! It was such a pain, & I barely survived through my courses. My marks were fine, not too happy about them but not sad either. When you try really hard and get okay results, there’s not much you can do about it.
So anyways, semester two started about a week and a half ago & compared to last semester it is a piece of cake, well so far it is. I don’t expect it to be too hard, but then again I shouldn’t expect anything at all because I always end up being surprised. This is my last semester in high school and I am very excited, but at the same time equally apprehensive about what the future has in store for me. I’ve applied to 3 different universities and for 5 programs in total and have been accepted to 2 of them so far. One is my first choice which I am so happy for. But since it was an early offer, I am scared that my average will drop and the offer will get taken away.
Ahhh OK enough of these talks, they make me nervous. But yes I am looking forward to graduating and leaving high school. As much as I will truly miss the teachers, school and the faces I have seen for the past 4 years, I think it is time to move forward in life. I don’t know if I’m ready or not, but I just want to get out of the small high school world and dive straight into the real world. I hope for a smooth dive, but realistically I see myself going in head first. Either way I think it is time to experience the world for myself now. It is time to leave a mark of my own. It is time.
2014. 12 months. A year loaded with happiness, laughter, sorrow, depression, hard work, no work, friends, ex-friends, meeting new people, reuniting with old ones, spending time with people, spending time alone & much more.
I’ve learned SO much this year, & I am extremely grateful for every second of the past 365 days. I have regrets, many actually, but it’s a way of learning. Learning from mistakes that I’ve made & trying to move forward. I blame no one, not even myself. It’s all a part of life. You make mistakes, regret, forgive, maybe not forget, but eventually move forward. Without all this, life would be rather bland.
I have moved away from holding grudges and playing the little games we did as kids. I despise and stay away from drama. It is a waste of time. I’d rather be doing stuff that is beneficial for me and for others around me. If I don’t like you, I’ll simply stay away from you. We are not meant to like everyone, its human nature. Everyone is different and sometimes those differences seem to clash. It is natural. But there is a way of dealing with things, by dealing I don’t mean making them worse. We all need to survive, not just you and me, but everyone. Make decisions in life that won’t end up harming the people around you. You can’t ignore the fact that we are all in this world, and we all are trying to live.
I have moved away from many people in 2014, and have distanced myself from them. It has brought me more happiness away from them than near them. The people that have stuck by me the entire year are the ones that I know will stay with me for a very long time. These people are my parents, sisters, best friend and other close friends.
People usually start off the year by saying ‘new year, new me’. But quite frankly, this is going to be a new year, with new experiences, & new changes, but it’s still going to be the old me. Maybe a bit improved but for the most part, still the same. I hope this New Year is full of surprises, goals, ambitions, success, prosperity, love and loads of happiness for everyone. Stay blessed.
“No man is a failure who is enjoying life” -William Feather
Sometimes you just have to distance yourself from people. Everyone in your life has a purpose, you just need to wait and figure out exactly where they’re coming from. If they bring you happiness, stay with them.. If they bring you sorrow, let them go.. If you regret, they’ve taught you a lesson.. If you cry, they’ve made you stronger.. If you wish you’ve never met them, they’ve done their job. Now it’s on you to make wiser decisions in your future. You need these experiences to guide you to a better path.Whether they’ve brought you happiness or have made you more aware of your surroundings, always show gratitude. Be grateful of what you’ve experienced in your life as it was all just for your own benefit. Stay positive, and be patient. – Let the glass be half full –
“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” -Aristotle Onassis